25 years ago today a beautiful soul came into the world. And I had the great honor of being the one to have carried her for 9 months and give her life. And for almost 18 of those years I didn’t get to hold her when she cried or was scared, sing her to sleep, see her off to her first day of school, celebrate her accomplishments, wish her Happy Birthday.
I adopted her out.
And it was the best decision I ever made.
Not because I didn’t love her – but because I loved her so much.
I was in a darker place in my life at that point and I knew I couldn’t offer her the life she deserved. I chose to place her up for adoption and picked what I hoped at the time was the best parents to do just that. It’s not an easy decision to make – giving up a part of yourself and trusting you made the right choice. But I took that leap of faith. For almost 18 years I wondered every day how she was doing. Every day for almost 18 years I thought about her, sending my love out into the universe hoping it would find her just the same. But for almost 18 years I never questioned my decision. I knew I did the right thing at the time. I could only hope and pray that someday I would have the chance to meet the beautiful person she would grow into.
And I did. And she is.
Today is her 25th birthday. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about her and there won’t be a day I don’t. I was very fortunate and blessed to be able to connect with her after she turned 18. She is married now with a family of her own – three beautiful children of her own. And I am very proud of the person she has become. And very thankful I can be a small part of her life.
I have nothing but good will and thankfulness for her parents. They did the best they could and did it well. I have met her parents once, talked to her mother a few times on the phone and am friends with her mother on facebook. I can, with all certainty, say I did the right thing. Her mother is amazing.
I don’t know how to express what it feels like to know there is someone out there that is of your own flesh and blood but isn’t “yours”. Legally there are no ties. But blood is thicker than any piece of paper. She will always be my daughter. But she isn’t, also. I gave her life and gave her a life I knew I couldn’t. And I am the luckiest person for that. I got the answer to the question of “Did I do the right thing?”. Regardless of whether I believe I did (which I also did) I got to “see” that I did. And that is a reassurance I know many people who adopt out don’t have.
25 years ago I would never have hoped, could never have hoped, that the decisions I made would reveal themselves to be so fortunate. I’m sure there were times her life wasn’t so great. I’m sure there were questions of “why?” in her mind. But we have gotten that chance to reconnect. We don’t talk often, I see her posts on facebook and the pictures she posts of her and her family, but we are connected. Not just by technology but by blood.
She has two sisters who also have had the blessings of meeting her too. A connection I’m glad they could have to a sister they did not grow up with. A hope I got to see fulfulled. As you can see I have been very blessed.
So, to this wonderful, amazing and beautiful soul I had the privilege and honor to bring into this world I say Happy Birthday – and many, many more. I’m so blessed to be a part of your life.