Respect isn’t just for those who think like you do…

Most people who know me know I am usually quite understanding, tolerant, caring and giving. Sometimes to a fault. So it’s very unusual for me to be so fed up with something that I lose my temper. But when I do it’s not pretty.

Case in point… There is someone I know, who knows me well, that knows not to talk politics with me. To say our views are different is an understatement. The Grand Canyon is smaller than the rift between our views. Therefore we had decided that politics is off the table for discussion. Simple, makes sense.

Evidentially not to this person.

It seems whenever that person isn’t feeling well, is upset about something, etc the subject of politics, with me, rears its ugly head. Having learned a long time ago that the subject leads to nothing but a screaming match I now just don’t respond. Which, of course, evidentially, isn’t acceptable either. If I say ONE thing of how I feel then I’m starting a fight. Even though I didn’t start it. And quite honestly, I don’t think it’s fair that I have to be the one burdened with having to listen to someone else’s side of something without being able to express my views. But when I do I’m called stupid, antagonistic, wrong, etc. There is no respect for my desire NOT to talk about this subject. No respect for my views (which doesn’t require agreement, just respect for an opposing opinion). No respect for ME.

And, unfortunately, this isn’t the only subject I am to “agree” with to avoid a fight. Anything I don’t agree with is me starting a fight. Any time I want to make my differing views known I am starting and continuing a fight. Any time I stand up for myself I am starting a fight. I was once even told to just “lie to me to make me happy”. What the fuck is that about? Because I can tell you right now, if I lied to make that person happy then me agreeing would be thrown back in my face when my true feelings were made known. AND I would be accused of lying even though that was what that person wanted.

No win situation.

There are days I wish I could tape the conversations. I have been told I am abusive because I express my views. Ok, that’s not exactly how it was put. I am abusive because I always pick a fight and don’t know when to stop. Even though I am not the one who tries to bring up subjects that I know will cause an arguement. Even though when said subjects are brought up I try not to have the conversation turn into an arguement. And even though when I try to have said person stop talking about said subjects I am told I am still wrong because I don’t believe as they do. I would have to say the abuse isn’t coming from my end. And when I try to bring that up I’m again starting an arguement because, of course, I am telling that person THEY are always wrong.

I like who I am. I don’t have to believe as anyone else does. And I don’t push what I believe on others. I don’t expect them to conform to what I believe. I don’t need others to validate what I believe to make me feel special, important, or validated. I’m good knowing I am who I am and that it’s okay to be me. I don’t need the pat on the back saying you agree with me. I really don’t care if you do or don’t. I know others do. And they don’t have to validate that either.

If you are one of those that have to have someone constantly agree with you, constantly validate your feelings, ideas, beliefs, existance… then I feel you need to spend some serious time reevaluating who you are at your core. Those who do not need validating are those who have found themselves and like themselves for who they are. It’s a much calmer, stressfree way to live.

Be Zen with yourself and the world isn’t such a combative place. Peace starts in yourself with being at peace with yourself and not needing to make others conform and agree with you. The world has enough of the “conform or else” mentality. It’s what oppresses masses and starts wars. Be good with yourself and recognize others don’t need to agree with you. You WILL be okay if others don’t. I promise.

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About ynnarie

Lynn Salisbury grew up in the rural town of McGrath, Minnesota. After graduating from McGregor High School in the mid 1980’s, she moved to the Twin Cities. Lynn spent her 20’s and 30’s working like the average person, never imagining the calling that awaited her. But those two decades of working, learning, growing, led to the day a friend challenged Lynn to write. Lynn met that challenge and never looked back. Now she draws from her life’s experiences and creative mind to weave stories. Stories about different worlds, different lives, different perspectives. If you ask her about her life, Lynn will tell you it’s been rather simple and sometimes boring. But if you dig a little deeper you will find that it’s been a bit more exciting than that. Lynn has done everything from designing clothes ranging from prom and wedding dresses to drag queen attire and everything in-between, became a registered, ordained Pagan minister in the state of Minnesota, to creating a group, on a social media site, of fans devoted to her favorite football team that has more members than most medium sized towns. Lynn still lives in the Twin Cities area, enjoying the changing seasons, spending time with family, working, and writing. She will admit she hasn’t found her genre niche yet, and she secretly hopes she never does, leaving the possibilities wide open for any type of story that formulates in her head, mixed with a bit of muse inspiration, to spill out into the written word. She writes what she would want to read, having taken to heart a piece of advice she once heard. And she feels blessed and grateful for the chance to share her stories with the world. As the mother of three amazing, beautiful and strong daughters, Lynn knows that even when the world seems the darkest, they are her light. And she never forgets what an honor and privilege it is to be their mother. “If you haven’t had your ‘a-ha’ moment today, you haven’t been paying attention.” – Lynn Salisbury
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