Most people who know me know I am usually quite understanding, tolerant, caring and giving. Sometimes to a fault. So it’s very unusual for me to be so fed up with something that I lose my temper. But when I do it’s not pretty.
Case in point… There is someone I know, who knows me well, that knows not to talk politics with me. To say our views are different is an understatement. The Grand Canyon is smaller than the rift between our views. Therefore we had decided that politics is off the table for discussion. Simple, makes sense.
Evidentially not to this person.
It seems whenever that person isn’t feeling well, is upset about something, etc the subject of politics, with me, rears its ugly head. Having learned a long time ago that the subject leads to nothing but a screaming match I now just don’t respond. Which, of course, evidentially, isn’t acceptable either. If I say ONE thing of how I feel then I’m starting a fight. Even though I didn’t start it. And quite honestly, I don’t think it’s fair that I have to be the one burdened with having to listen to someone else’s side of something without being able to express my views. But when I do I’m called stupid, antagonistic, wrong, etc. There is no respect for my desire NOT to talk about this subject. No respect for my views (which doesn’t require agreement, just respect for an opposing opinion). No respect for ME.
And, unfortunately, this isn’t the only subject I am to “agree” with to avoid a fight. Anything I don’t agree with is me starting a fight. Any time I want to make my differing views known I am starting and continuing a fight. Any time I stand up for myself I am starting a fight. I was once even told to just “lie to me to make me happy”. What the fuck is that about? Because I can tell you right now, if I lied to make that person happy then me agreeing would be thrown back in my face when my true feelings were made known. AND I would be accused of lying even though that was what that person wanted.
No win situation.
There are days I wish I could tape the conversations. I have been told I am abusive because I express my views. Ok, that’s not exactly how it was put. I am abusive because I always pick a fight and don’t know when to stop. Even though I am not the one who tries to bring up subjects that I know will cause an arguement. Even though when said subjects are brought up I try not to have the conversation turn into an arguement. And even though when I try to have said person stop talking about said subjects I am told I am still wrong because I don’t believe as they do. I would have to say the abuse isn’t coming from my end. And when I try to bring that up I’m again starting an arguement because, of course, I am telling that person THEY are always wrong.
I like who I am. I don’t have to believe as anyone else does. And I don’t push what I believe on others. I don’t expect them to conform to what I believe. I don’t need others to validate what I believe to make me feel special, important, or validated. I’m good knowing I am who I am and that it’s okay to be me. I don’t need the pat on the back saying you agree with me. I really don’t care if you do or don’t. I know others do. And they don’t have to validate that either.
If you are one of those that have to have someone constantly agree with you, constantly validate your feelings, ideas, beliefs, existance… then I feel you need to spend some serious time reevaluating who you are at your core. Those who do not need validating are those who have found themselves and like themselves for who they are. It’s a much calmer, stressfree way to live.
Be Zen with yourself and the world isn’t such a combative place. Peace starts in yourself with being at peace with yourself and not needing to make others conform and agree with you. The world has enough of the “conform or else” mentality. It’s what oppresses masses and starts wars. Be good with yourself and recognize others don’t need to agree with you. You WILL be okay if others don’t. I promise.